- (Irish) Seamus O'Blameus
- (French) Jacques D'Oeuf
- (German) Herr Dresser
- (Russian) Jetski Slobodetsky
- (Lebanese) Salim Shehadie
- (Latino) Don Juan Too
- (Indian/Pakistan) Guru Khan
- (Ehtnic) The Five Dock Shadow
- (Scottish) Scott McDoodle
- (Blues Singer) Anthony Deaf (& The Tone Deaf Blues Experience!)
- (Pacific Islander) Tacky Faka (Samoa Takifaka Onomatopoeia)
- (Italian) Guido Lucca
GURU KHAN
Hailing not from India… but North India, Guru Khan is a real-life Guru!
Originally a baker of Tandoor bread by trade, his fame hit it’s peak when labelled by Master Chef India as “Jack of all the breads, but Master of the Na’an”.
Unfortunately, fame in a nation of 1 Billion people can be somewhat fleeting and not satisfied with simply being 1 in a Billion, he attempted to narrow the odds, and moved to 1 of the least Populated countries on Earth… Australia!
t;Having traversed the Globe on his “Magical” Carpet (which lined the floor of a Boeing 747), the Guru finally settled down in the Sydney suburb of Parramatta, to “veg out” like a Vegan at a BBQ!
Finding the “high-brow” Australian sense of humour much to his liking, he embarked 1 rainy Sunday evening on an Open Mic night in inner Sydney, to not just Open the Mic, but Open the Mind of his audience… 1 mind at a time!
Tone Deaf
“TACKY FAKA” – SAMOA TANOA TAKIFAKA ONOMATOPOEIA
Possibly the biggest name in Show Biz… Samoa Tanoa Takifaka Onomatopoeia is known fondly by friends simply as “Tacky Faka”.
Being a Pacific Islander of Half-Samoan/Half-Tongan descent, he is mistakenly of thought of as a Kiwi… but as he often says, no need to get “Pacific”!
Literally outgrowing his native isles at the youthful age of 17, he relocated to the biggest island of them all… Australia, to pursue a career as a “bouncer”! All went well, til one day the management realised the hypocrisy of having an underaged bouncer, keeping underage drinkers out, so they started charging people to get out of the club. It didn’t take long to realise the punters were there not for his punches but his punchlines, both of which were above the belt!
Soon enough, Tacky Faka will surely “hit” the big time, touring local club circuits as a warm up act for bigger named islanders in Rugby and Boxing… but he assures us, when he’s too old to grace the comedy stage, he’s headed straight where all retired Islanders go… boxing!
SALIM SHEHADIE – “THE FIVE DOCK SHADOW”
Growing up in the rough & tumble of Sydney’s Inner Western enclave of Five Dock, Salim Shehadie is more than just Aussie Born, Leb Bred – a multicultural pun about dietary nutrition, he’s a real life Superhero.
Single-handedly solving all the crime in Five Dock, (by turning himself in to authorities), “The Shadow” as he’s affectionately known, was once Five Dock’s greatest export… before Jeff Fenech.
His notoriety became so wide-spread, that even Eminem was forced to admit: “I’m not Salim Shehadie, who is Salim Shehadie… would the real Salim Shehadie, please Stand Up!”
Struggling to make sense of the Cronulla riots in 2006, The Shadow was one of the key proponents for peace, suggesting that perhaps if people in Cronulla didn’t want “Lebs” invading, then perhaps they consider removing “Allah” from their name!
A philosopher at heart, The Shadow’s rhetoric still goes unanswered:
“Why is the world’s least helpful disease called AIDS? Who does that help?”
“If people from Sydney are Sydney-ites, and people from Melbourne are Melbournites… what does that make people from Paris…Paris-ites?”
No need to move, before long, The Five Dock Shadow, will be coming to a neighbourhood near you!!
SCOTT & ANDY McDOODLE
Scott MacDoodle – “The Gay Scott” & his twin brother Andy were born on a little-known group of Scottish islands called the Hebrides. Confused by the name, they took a while to discern the subtle difference between male and female brides, and whilst Andy went on to get happily married to a woman from the mainland, Scott remained somewhat confused:
“If sex with a member of the opposite sex means your Hetrosexual, what do they call you if you have sex with a Dyslexic…Setro-hexual?”
Scott MacDoodle, (with a silent “c”) is an out-spoken, out-smarted, and well and truly “out-ed” performer. Emerging from the closet at the height of fellow Scottish twins, “the Proclaimers”, Scott has been cheering up audiences from Edinburgh to Dunedin with his whimsically witty wordplays and wistful worldly wanderings.
Luckily enough for us, Scott (& possibly Andy) are winding their way Down Under for a tour de force on Australian soil. Like Riverdance with a Tweed Kilt, The MacDoodles will soon enough let it all hang out just for you in… “The Fool McMonty”
And perhaps finally they’ll answer that age-old mystery: what does a Gay Scotsman, really wear under his cross-stitched, double-hemmed, pleated Kilt?!
The Characters